Sonja Szomoru

borderline brach herz

Hilfe zur Trennungsverarbeitung für Borderline-Partner

Borderline - Psychologie - Ratgeber - International Rights

In 2005 Starks-Sture Verlag published:
“borderline brach herz, Hilfe zur Trennungsverarbeitung für Borderline-Partner"
(borderline broke heart, a helpguide for ex-partners of BPD patients)
by Sonja Szomoru.
The book remained among the top five titles of the German language books on BPD for one year. The second revised edition of the book is now among the top ten books.
It provides ex-partners who are always traumatized after separating from BPD patients with help on how to return to a normal life. This book also pays attention to codependency.
The reader’s reactions to this book have been without exception extremely positive and enthusiastic (see reviews at: http://www.starks-sture-verlag.de or http://www.amazon.de / translations available on request).
ISBN: 978-3-9809496-5-1, 120 pages, € 12.90

Directory

Preface

1. The Borderline Personality Disorder (BPS)
- History of BPS
- Criterions
- The Borderline Society
- Aquaintance of BPS
2. The structure of partner-ship to borderline disorders
- Similarities of relatives of persons with BPS
- Importance of the relationship to a borderline person
- Tendencies in the development in relationship
3. Break up
- It is always dramatic
- Help in case of Break-up
4. After break up
- Psychic trauma
- Loss of value
- The central question of “how”
- The first sign of relieve
- Alteration of anger, pain and guilt
- Do borderline persons have a conscience
- Why does the pain not stop
5. A way to a new life
- Time heals all wounds – let pain happen
- Therapy and persons
- To forgive myself
- To develop new values and to rediscover new bounderies
6. Good/Bad examples
7. Is their no excuse
8. The great present we receive through borderline

Review

“…I had a Borderline partner. Never could I have imagined that separating from someone would shatter me so much.
‘borderline brach herz’ helped me to understand what had actually been going on with me and that a lot of people
living with borderline partners were experiencing the same things I did. The book really gave me strength and comfort
to endure the many bad hours and to slowly overcome my deep pain. I have read it again and again.
It also helped me to better understand the perspective of people with BPD who are so destructive towards their partners
because they were hurt themselves. I can recommend to all people living with a Borderline partner and also to the relatives to read this book
that was written in such a sensitive and understanding way. It helped me and it was exactly what I needed in that situation!” (http://www.amazon.de)

ISBN 978-3-9809496-5-1 / 120 Pages

Katja Braun

Fairytales

Selbstakzeptanz in der Borderline-Beziehung

Belletristik - Borderline - Psychologie - International Rights

In 2007 Starks-Sture Verlag published:
„Fairytales, Liebe auf der Grenzlinie Borderline" (Fairytales, Love on the borderline)
by Katja Braun.
This book has been among the top thirty German language books on Borderline Personality Disorder since it was first published and is constantly climbing up best seller lists.
In this book which has the form of a novel the author describes her very typical relationship with a man suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder.
It is only through his weird behavior and his occasional violent acts that she eventually finds out what the problem is.
Written in a natural and easy way this book does still have all the drama that is so essential to any such relationship.
ISBN: 978-3-939586-05-0, 140 pages, € 14.80

“I have read this book three times and I just find it fantastic! It is humorously written, lovingly presented, and completely without prejudice or accusation, this book is really wonderful to read and it is easy to understand how the protagonists feel. The subject of the book, ‘Borderline’, remains unspoken and hidden, but you can suspect it. The ending is a complete surprise! I would have expected something else …“(amazon.de)

Review

“I have read this book three times and I just find it fantastic! It is humorously written, lovingly presented,
and completely without prejudice or accusation, this book is really wonderful to read and it is easy to understand
how the protagonists feel. The subject of the book, ‘Borderline’, remains unspoken and hidden, but you can suspect it.
The ending is a complete surprise! I would have expected something else …“ (amazon.de)

ISBN 978-3-939586-05-0 / 140 Pages

Sonja Szomoru

Partnerbeziehung als Brutstätte von Borderline

Borderline-Persönlichkeiten und das Leid ihrer Helfershelfer

Borderline - Psychologie - Ratgeber - International Rights

“Partnerbeziehung als Brutstätte von Borderline, Borderline-Persönlichkeiten und das Leid ihrer Helfershelfer”
(Couple relationship as a breeding ground for Borderline Personality Disorder, Borderline personalities and the suffering of their accomplices)
by Sonja Szomoru.
The book remained among the top five titles of the German language books on BPD for two years and is now published in its third revised edition.
The book gives a detailed explanation of the personality disorder, it provides relatives with advice on how to act best and it pays attention to codependency.
ISBN: 978-3-9809496-0-6, 120 pages, € 12.90

Directory

Preface

I The Borderline Personality Disorder (BPS)
- History of BPS
- Criterions of DSMIII, DSM IV, ICD10
- Symptoms of BPS
- Explanations to Criterions of BPS
- Fundamental themes to BPS
- Other Personality Disorders
- Causes of the BPS
- Therapeutic options to the BPS
- Recommendations in association with persons suffering from BPS
II Relationship to BPD Patients
- Tendencies in the development in relationship
- Importance of the relationship to a borderline person
- The personality of the partner of a borderline person
- Cause for co-dependent behaviour
- The 12-step-program
- Possible outcome of a destructive relationship for the partner
- Evidence to relatives of partner of borderline-personalities
III When the relationship is no longer acceptable
- Break-up
- Break-up overcome
- The live after
- Concluding advice
Case studies: Sonja, Marcus, Carina, Frank

Review

“…This book is very recommendable if you want to understand the chaos of emotion that exists on both sides of the borderline relationship.
The two main problems of BPD are the damage that the patients do to themselves and the damage done to the relationship.
The fatal thing about it is that most partners have no idea what the illness does to them. Once I had read the book I began to realize
what was going on and I was suddenly able to understand the unnecessary ‘outbursts’ of my girlfriend a lot better.
I also began to understand myself better, because I was playing the ‘borderline game’ too. She is not willing to do therapy
so I have come to understand that I have to separate from her. ...” (http://www.amazon.de)

ISBN 3-9809496-0-5 / 120 Pages

Manuela Rösel

Wenn lieben weh tut

Ein Kommunikations-Ratgeber für Partner in der Borderline-Beziehung

Borderline - Psychologie - Ratgeber - International Rights

In 2006 Starks-Sture Verlag published:
“Wenn Lieben weh tut, Ein Kommunikations-Ratgeber für Partner in der Borderline-Beziehung”
(When it hurts to love, a communication guide for partners living in a couple relationship with a BPD personality)
by Manuela Rösel.
This book has been a top seller since it was first published and continues to be number one or two of the German language books on Borderline Personality Disorder.
This book provides partners of BPD patients with effective communication strategies. In this context the author refers to the communication strategies of Marshall M. Rosenberg.
As a specialized counselor for partners of BPD personalities the author has developed practical solutions, which she describes in her book. She offers reliable tools, that help to learn how to treat oneself and the partner in a constructive way again.
ISBN: 978-3-9809496-7-5, 144 pages, € 16.90

Directory

Preface

1. Explanations of terms
- The concept of borderline
- What actually is an identity disorder?
- Partners and relatives
- To carry the wait of one another
- Similar criteria of the partners Misunderstandings
- Which result out of the criteria of the partners
- Fear
- Good/Bad
- Ambivalence
- Point of contact of fear
- Necessary criteria of the borderline partner
2. Love as a fundamental need
- Lots of definitions
- How to learn love
- Where does love start
3. Co-dependency
- Explanations of concept
- Ways out of co-dependent behaviour
4. Communication is a matter of learning
- What does actually happen?
- Typical behaviours of borderline personalities
- Communication without violence according the M.B. Rosenberg
- How does communication without violence function?
- Feelings and desire
- SET-Communication
5. About manipulation and constrains
- Emotional blackmail
- How do you discover the emotional blackmail
- Four aspects of emotional blackmail
- Why do we need limitations?
- When to define limitations?
6. Things I don’t disavow
- Mechanisms of suppression
- Primary and secondary feeligs
7. Double messages and how to avoid them
- How to handle double-binds
- Possibilities of improved comunication
8. Precise advices – questions and answers
- Do borderline personalities experience our world in a different light?
- How exactly do I react, when I feel emotional blackmail?
- My partner will not except professional help
- Honesty, honesty, honesty!!
- How do I deal with self-pity?
- How do I handle conflicts?
- Some rules for active listening
- Rules of communications for conversation
- Further possibilities to avoid overboarding in a sensible behaviour
- Past contorted, a permanent course of conflict
- How to handle fits of fury, verbal outbreaks and violence?
- How do I react to self-mutilation?
- How do I react to suicidal-threats?
- How shall I stay consequent in this case?
- How can I avoid a breach of contact?
- How can I avoid to a relationship to borderline person
9. After the break-up
- And beyond … what to do?
- Why is to release so hard to do?
- To mourn
- Possibilities for active mourning and treatment
- The consequences of idealizing
- To discover your own allotment Parting (Ritual and helpful advices to compensate)
- A new beginning
- Interview with alexa, female partner, 42 years old

Review

“This book is a good guide for partners of persons affected by BPD. You learn what is going on inside Borderline personalities and how to handle the situation. It also goes into how to act best in such a partnership. Had I found this book before separating from my partner, the worst might have been prevented. In any case this book is very recommendable and worth the money!...” (http://www.amazon.de)

ISBN 978-3-9809496-7-5 / 144 Pages

Manuela Rösel

Wie der Falter in das Licht

Selbstakzeptanz in der Borderline-Beziehung

Borderline - Psychologie - Ratgeber - International Rights

In 2007 Starks-Sture Verlag published:
“Wie der Falter in das Licht, Selbstakzeptanz in der Borderline-Beziehung"
(Like a moth into the light, self-acceptance in a BPD relationship)
by Manuela Rösel.
This book has been among the top twenty German language books on Borderline Personality Disorder since it was first published and is constantly climbing up best-seller lists.
In this book the author uses various examples to make partners aware of the reasons that led to them having a destructive couple relationship.
At the same time she offers valuable advice on how to increase self-acceptance in order not to remain helpless in the relationship.
Again she also refers to the communication strategies of Marshall M. Rosenberg. This is a very sensitive and effective self-help book.
ISBN: 978-3-9809496-02-9, 160 pages, € 16.90

Directory

Preface

1. Environmental conditions and the concequences
- Criterions of DSM IV
- Communication without violence
- Really helpless
- Education – relationship
- Matters of believe
- Destiny?
- Role playing-models
- Matters of involvement
- Do I have follow relationship rules?
- I always fall for wrong person
- Self-healing
- Who is wrong and who is right?
- The priority of diagnosis
- How does the borderline problem of my partner effect myself
- Why am I encaged in this relationship?
2. Real stories – out of life
- Mareike T., 36 years old, corporate consultant, former partner
- Andreas M., 30 years old, journalist, former partner, one child
- Jeanette D., 38 years old, director, former partner, one child
- Stefan S., 47 years old, employee, former partner
3. What is obvious
- A natural development
- Grown-up and what now?
- How can I realize it?
- Similarities
- When should I end a relationship?
- What you should not do after the break-up
- Consequences for partners after a break-up
- Consequences out of neglecting treatment
End ...

Review

“I thought everything had been written about but Ms Rösel went one step further.
Just like her first book ‘Wenn lieben weh tut’ this book also gave me a lot. I managed to do what the book recommends,
to gather new information and to intent to put a few things into practice. Her way of gripping the reader and of motivating them
to change things is really incredible. I look forward to every new book and I am curious to know what other things she will impart,
teach and give us, the readers, in future. Thanks a million for the good structure, the perfect information and the sensitive way of writing.” (amazon.de)

ISBN 978-3-939586-02-9 / 160 Pages

Autor

Merianna